WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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