I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
