wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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