You can't special order awesome
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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