you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
