Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
