I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
