She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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