hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize