My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
