I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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