i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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