what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
