We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
