You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
