She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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