I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
