so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
