dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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