I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
