I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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