Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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