So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
