he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
