Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
