miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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