Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
