Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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