so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
