You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
