let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
