I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize