Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
