I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
