Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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