When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
