U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
