Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
