please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize