someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
