Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
