Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
