you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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