He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
