she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
