I looked at my own cervix.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize