I hate your face
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
