Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
