hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
