Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
