So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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