First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
