I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
