do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i came on her dog
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
