You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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