I'm so fucking centered right now
we have officially lost it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize