Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
