South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize