he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
