I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
