no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize