did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
