I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
