Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
where are my eyebrows?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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