You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
