Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
