I'm really into asian looking animals
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
