Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
