wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
